You don't say...

The experiences of the last few weeks, tumultuous to say the least, have led me to ponder on the question of gossip. On reflection, however, I think the word gossip is too harsh a word. After all, essentially it is just a human desire to share stories. Storytelling, not the existence of it but the methods that are socially ordered, is a deep part of our culture psyche (whatever culture you belong to).

The idea of others talking about us can hold us back, or push us forward. It it easy to fall prey to concerns about what will be said as a reason for action that is not true to yourself or others. Or inaction. Worrying what others will think. Will they think badly of me? Will they change their opinion of me for the worse? And so on.

Clear lines of sight, near Blackstone

In the end, however, the only source of worry about whether I have acted well comes from those questions I ask of myself. Did I act with integrity? With honesty? What could I have done differently and at what point would it have helped to avoid harm? I am however, always responsible only for my actions.

One of the challenging aspects of living in a remote area is that, despite the enormous geographic distance that makes up the region of interest, it is still just like living in a little country town. Things change. People know (something). People, naturally, talk. There is no privacy. I have often reflected that this is the case for 'clients' in my work, but it is also true for those of us non-permanent residents.

What is a little different however is that, unlike in other small towns or big cities, you can't just leave your house without leaving your job, or visa versa. Staff housing is too tight. The job and the house are one. That adds an interesting layer of complication to sorting out personal issues. After all, it is not just a personal decision anymore, it's a total life decision. Am I happy? How can we best share care of the kids? Do I like my job? Do I want to keep on living here? How much needs to change? Those questions cannot be separated simply or easily.

In the end, early last year, I chose to leave my relationship but eventually not to leave my house or my job. An unconventional decision (but not necessarily an uncommon one... sometimes it is a matter of degrees). I also chose to keep my privacy as much as I could. Those who I am close to, knew. Those who I am not, made their own assumptions. I didn't feel the need to explain my personal situation at every juncture, but I was happy for the truth to be out there and told. I just didn't feel the need to do all the telling.

Now that there has been another shift in my personal situation, a wonderful man, I again feel the beginning of that niggling worry... what will they think? In the end, talk will happen. Some of it will be malicious, some of it will be kind. What people hear and think may well be based on assumptions they or others have made. There may even be deliberate untruths told, borne of the worry about 'what others will think'.

None of it matters. This small world shifts and re-settles, and inexorably moves on.